Oz

Today was an errand day. It was my last full day in Chicago. I had the car to myself and I could do anything I wanted, and the first thing I knew I wanted was to go jogging at The 606 one more time.

Second, I wanted to get my brother's SOX hat. Instead of going back to the baseball stadium, I went to Grandstand Ltd down the street. That place has official licensed gear for all Chicago sports teams, and then some. To my delight, I found a snapback with a green bill and the logo my brother wanted. I watched him look for that hat up and down this store 2 years ago, and I'm excited it was here now.

Third, I wanted to get frozen deep dish pizza. It's the only souvenir my family asked for. I wanted to get Lou Malnati's and Giordano's. I tried going to the locations near the university. But parking was difficult and gave me anxiety. I circled the block a few times before I realized I didn't want to be there.

Instead, I drove north. There was residential parking that was free. I bought spinach from Giordano's and Sausage from Lou Malnati's. Lou Malnati's packaging was more secure since it's in a box, but Giordano's had an insulated cooler, which I bought. These pizzas had to survive two airplane rides.

I was okay driving north because I could go to Oz Park. I wanted to go there since my first visit to Chicago. It never seemed like anyone else's jam, so I never made it a priority.

There are many layers to the Wizard of Oz. The movie is iconic. The stories behind the scenes were tragic. The book was alright. The broadway sequel is my favorite. I also adore the SyFy adaptation. There is a long list of ways this story has been in my life.

At the park, I visited the statues of Tinman, Scarecrow, Lion, and of course, Dorothy Gale. As I stared at the statue's ruby red slippers, I thought about her journey. The whole time she was in Oz, she was looking for a way home.

I'm looking for home too. Although I had an amazing career, I didn't feel at home in accounting. Although I love my family, I don't feel like I should live near them. I'm going to make New York my new home. 

Chicago was practice. Last night, I was able to drive back to the Chicondo from Wicker Park without getting GPS directions. After two weeks, I had a good sense of direction on the buses. It felt like I lived in Chicago, but that didn't feel like home either.

I don't know where home will be in the future. My guess is I'll come back to California in the end. There's too many reasons not to, except for the part of my brain that keeps wondering what else is out there. I think about all the traits the other characters asked for and how they had them all along. 

I'd like a brain -- I'd like to learn about broadway, stage and film production, and writing.

I'd like a heart -- I want to feel excited and passionate. I would also like to find love.

I'd like courage -- I'm scared. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared I won't succeed. I'm scared I won't find what I'm looking for.

I tell myself I have what I need and the capacity to learn the rest. 

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
And the dream that you dare to (dream)
Why, oh why can't I?

 I also want to remember that there were a bunch of dragonflies at this park. They flew over my head like airplanes landing at LAX.