First Visit Home as a New Yorker

 I moved in October. I came back for Christmas. Not too much time had passed, but I had COVID and didn't get to do anything.

Lizzy's confirmation was the catalyst for the trip. I made a week of it so I could schedule doctor visits I should have done in December.

Sunday - Easter

Monday - Backstage Broadway CCO

Tuesday - Friday - tour guide for Dan and Sophie in NYC

Friday night - fly to LA

Saturday

• Confirmation
• lunch
• massage
• dinner

Sunday

• Church
• breakfast
• new niece & older nieces
• chill,
• clean a bit for brother because his place was a mess and he was sick
• drive home

Monday

• Home all day, but I did bookkeeping for the last two years

Tuesday

• drive on PCH
• waxing
• doctor appointment (discussion about discontinuing medication -- "AM I DONE YET?", blood drawn for labs)
• lunch
• rollerblade pier to pier
• dinner
• sleepover

Wednesday

• drive on 101
• MRI (technician was great, I thanked her. She said I did all the hard work. Staying still for an MRI is hard work? Focusing on anything but being inside a giant magnet is work I suppose.)
• get gas
• dentist
• oil change
• hair
• old office
• happy hour at office
• happy hour at bar
• dinner
• drive home
• facetime tea

Thursday

• clean garage (all day)
• laundry
• bowling with Jazz
• tv with mom

Upcoming to do's

• Pack for SD
• Accounting for client
• Dodger Game
• Sleepover
• Visit baby
• San Diego Day
• Organize closet
• Pack

My old life is so familiar and easy in that sense. I'm a well oiled machine. I'm the Energizer bunny, going and going, until the battery dies. I don't run on Energizer batteries. My battery is tired. 

This morning I reflected on all that's happened. It was weird looking at pictures and TikTok drafts and seeing myself wear the same dress. I did so much in one day. I'm grateful I got to see so many people, but hot damn it's a lot.

I thrive in big group settings. It's familiar and tempting to go back. But I don't want to be comfortable. I wanted more. I'm reminding myself I wanted more. Plus, we all focused on the good during our catch up. New York sounds so cool, they said.

It is cool. LA is hard. If I'm being honest, I thought that I could run away to NY and not have to deal with this cancer stuff. I know going to the doctor and taking care of yourself is part of being an adult. I've just been adulting for so long, it feels like. I don't know how to express how heavy it feels to HAVE to do all of this.

My MRI is in the clear. That's great news. I don't have any cavities, also wonderful. I looked over my labs, and the numbers look good. The doctor hasn't interpreted it for me yet. But I still don't know what's going on. Do I have to know?

This is just a moment in time. This will be the last overhaul of appointments. Once I handle my insurance and switch to NY, I won't have to cram my days.

On the positive note, it's nice to be missed. I'm getting the good-byes I never got because of the pandemic. But it's nice that they're not goodbyes.