PCH Stare

I prefer cruising on the PCH (Highway 1 in California, known as pacific coast highway. This requires time, daylight and decent weather. This morning, I had the time. 

I listened to Drama Queens on the drive. It’s a brand new podcast hosted by the leading ladies of One Tree Hill: Sophia Bush, Bethany Joy Lenz, and Hilarie Burton Morgan. One Tree Hill is one of my favorite TV shows of all time. It premiered when I was a freshman in high school, and it ended when I graduated college. I grew up with the show and these characters. I idolized these women and it’s great to hear about their memories from filming the show. 

As I listened to the podcast, I fell into a daze. I was absorbing the stories and their perspective as actresses, not as fictional characters. I also thought about my own memories in watching the pilot and the impact of the show in general. I was in such a daze, my brain turned on autopilot for the drive. 

In my peripherals, there was a vehicle on my left, as if ready to race. When I turned, there was a cop on a motorcycle staring at me. Although he wore sunglasses, I could feel his stare threatening to give me a ticket. I immediately jumped, as I do when startled (as you’ll learn, I often do). I even put my hand to my chest.

Reflexively, I slowed down and turned on my right signal, ready to pull over. However, I was confused because the cop didn’t have his siren on. I slowed down, and he continued on and in moments was out of my view. It really was just a death stare.

I don’t think I did anything wrong, apart from not paying full attention to the road. Sure I was probably over the speed limit, but only slightly and within reason for the PCH. Or perhaps I caught a break. In any case, I drove more alert for the rest of the drive.

In other news:

- I got highlights. Separate post to come with pictures and a TikTok, but I feel more confident with the new style.

- Dan loved his birthday present. It was a collapsible wagon with the Raiders logo. He asked for it, but he was still grateful to receive it. It's nice for me to visit.

- He also got a dream Rode mixer for his podcast. It works, and it's got cool colors.

- Last night, I thought I was sunburned on my right shoulder. I was out in the sun a lot for Cassi and Alby's games, so I put lotion and called it a day. A closer look today, it looks like a burn rather than a sunburn. Did I burn myself somehow? My stove exposure was to make Rice Krispies Treats on Saturday, eggs for breakfast this morning, and my tea kettle. I'm not sure.

- One more injury to report. I was clumsy this afternoon and crashed into a hydrant. There's a small scab and bruise in the center of my left leg.

- Six of Crows is sort of getting interesting now that I'm half way through, but it is still moving at a slow pace for my liking. 

 

Restless

We are not powerless. We are powerful. 

I love that line from In the Heights. Lately, I've been feeling restless. I painted the bathroom. It turned out great. The sudden urge to do so was because I needed something to do with my hands. I needed something to put my energy in. 

I'm in a waiting period with the movie until we find an editor. I should make a meeting on Monday or Tuesday before I leave. I need to stop waiting and ask more questions.

I helped Paula and Max move yesterday. It made me think about when I get to move. I'm packed and ready for Chicago. It's a mini move where everything will be there waiting for me at the condo. Then September seems so far away for New York.

New York. The place that dares me to dream. I want so much, and I also wonder why I can't be content and still with what I already have because that's already plenty.

Last night, I dreamt I was in a building that collapsed. Maybe I inserted myself into the recent Florida condo collapse news. Regardless of why I dreamt it, it was a scary dream. Not scary in the horror movie sense. I also had one of those dreams this week. There was a lady at a hotel pool, where I introduced myself as Emily. Later, in the hotel room, there were yellow stickers on the mirror that spelled out Emily. Meaning, someone had snuck into the hotel room to taunt me. The rest of that dream was spent looking in the hotel room for a potential lurker. I never found them. Eventually, I told myself I had enough and woke myself up. It's nice when I get to do that. 

I didn't get to wake myself from this condo dream. I wish I could have. There were lots of people in the dream whom I saw before the collapse. And it was ticking time bomb hoping they'd be okay. It's terrifying to worry. You feel powerless.

I'm reluctant to write down dreams like that because of their content. I don't really want to remember them. On the flip side, sometimes the dreams feel well thought out. Can I turn that into a screenplay somewhere? Is my brain working and waiting for me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)?

Jonas Brothers Fan

 Jonas Brothers have a new song called "Remember This." It's going to be used to promote the 2020 Summer Olympics (being held in Summer 2021). It's a great song, and when I heard it, it made me want to remember my Jonas Brother memories from over a decade ago.

Back then, I kept a scrapbook. I brought that scrapbook as a prop for 30 & 3 because the pages were colorful. I may have those file backed up somewhere, a disk maybe, but I have no idea where it is. Perhaps that's a reason to switch to cloud storage someday. I'm still going to be stubborn and hold off. I did have one video I uploaded to facebook.

I took that video, and I recorded myself with the scrapbook to make a TikTok using "Remember This" as a sound. The next day, I got a like from Jonas Brothers' TikTok account and they reposted the video on their Instagram Story. It was a nice moment of glory. I hope they know how much joy they brought me in that memory and still do to this day.

@jmeprcn

Rain curtain during Love Bug - 09 Lines, Vines & Trying Times World Tour @jonasbrothers @joejonas @kevinjonas @nickjonas ##rememberthisJBchallenge

♬ Remember This - Jonas Brothers

Blue Tape

 I couldn't get out of bed today. I feel really off, really anxious. I know it's only a few more days before I will feel free to move again. I just don't know what that'll be like because of this comfortable slump living at home. It's great, but I'm not moving.

Today, I removed the wallpaper in the master bathroom. Tomorrow, I plan on buying some paint and giving it some color. I just need to figure out a muted color that can go well with the oil ribbed bronze fixtures.

I tried making an appointment with a hair stylist for a cut and color. She doesn't have availability until July, so perhaps I'll make my way to my normal stylist in Los Angeles. I'm just sick and tired of driving.

In terms of writing, I am revisiting RTMR, but the novel. It's really good writing practice, and it gives a different perspective for the story. I love that story, but it was written with Instagram in mind. Instagram, as I am learning through my increased social media exposure, is dying out. Pictures aren't good enough to get attention. Videos are where it's at. So at some point, I may need to rewrite that script where the driving transition is TikTok videos. It will take some time to make it on screen, so it'll probably work.

Blog Goals

Starting today, I aim to blog everyday. If it's personal stories, I will add here (www.routetomrright.com). If it's podcast related, or anything having to do with Asian Representation in media, I will blog on Seen Sa Scene (www.scenesascene.com/blog).

30 & 3

I should have started sooner, to cover development, pre-production and production of my short film. Perhaps I still can write and backdate those. Post production will be underway once we find an editor. To find an editor, I have a simple task of writing a blurb to solicit a post crew. That kind of writing is harder than the screenwriting. It resembles corporate life too much for my comfort, but perhaps that's just an excuse.

Exercise

I haven't been writing consistently since I was focused on producing the movie. Now my writing muscles need exercise. I have been physically exercising more. I use my interval timer to run for 25 minutes, followed by a 5 minute ab video and a 5 minute arm video. I supplement with a post workout drink (from a powder mix my brother left for me).

Remission

On Monday, I got a same-day appointment for a mammogram. I'm supposed to get them annually. I received three separate letters from UCLA telling me I was overdue. After the results of November's MRI led up to a biopsy, it felt too soon to have to do any imaging again. I was still traumatized from that experience.

The appointment was easy enough. On Wednesday, the technician who performed my mammogram called and asked me to come back in. My heart dropped as I heard her say these words. Still, I forced a smile to suppress my tears and fears while I had to handle the phone call.  I asked her, "To clarify, this is because you need a clearer picture,  and not because you found something?"

She replied calmly. She said it was only a technical issue and there shouldn't be anything to worry about. The use of "shouldn't" is less assuring than "isn't." I always wish for definite answers, but I know medical people can't give that. That gives me trust issues.

Another thing I needed to consider was cost. I pay nearly $500 a month for insurance needed to stay with UCLA Medical. Imaging visits cost $300 on top of those premiums. I wanted to make sure they wouldn't charge me again for this second visit. An insurance specialist called me to address that concern. It feels like not having cancer is sucking my wallet dry. Another way of looking at it: it's the cost of staying healthy. I feel uneasy about it.

I told Kat and Grace about my feels. Kat suggested I go look at the ocean to help calm the nerves. Grace said reassuring words. My anxiety still ate up the rest of the day. That night, I was too anxious to sleep. 

Thursday morning, I asked my mom to drive me to the appointment. I didn't tell her it was my second visit. I needed her there, but with minimal mom worry. I also needed her to drive in case the fatigue caught up with me and I'd fall asleep on the drive home. I have been in two car accidents where I was at fault for falling asleep at the wheel. I try to be more careful.

Friday morning, Paula and I had our weekly Seen Sa Scene meeting. UCLA called during our zoom call. I muted my mic on the computer as I took the phone call. On the other end of the line was Cris, the nurse from Dr. Mck (radiation oncology). Hearing Cris' voice gave me instant relief. She has only delivered good news to me, and she did so again. Paula saw my facial expression fill with relief. I'm in the clear again. Let me make sure I remember to take my meds.

That's all for now, folks!

Jamie