& 5

 I'm so good with dates. Not the going out, romantic dates. I'm good at the anniversary and birthday dates. But even without thinking about it and giving it attention, my body felt it. Something felt off yesterday. I wasn't sure why.

I was low on energy. I could have been social, but I didn't want to.

As I got ready for bed (or at least to sit in bed and be on my phone), I looked in the mirror and realized it was the 28th. Twenty Eight. October 28.

5 years ago, I sat in that room and a nurse practitioner called Elizabeth told me I had cancer. I can still remember her wide eyes dreading the fact she had to tell me the news.

I had a video conference call with my doctor this week. I told her I moved and that I needed to switch my care to New York. She gave me a recommendation for a practice out here. That's on next week's to-do list. I have to research the provider and see what kind of insurance they take and then see if any of that is available on the open health market.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm here. I'm where I wanted to be. Nothing could stop me. I'm living the life I wanted without fear. And I just got here, I don't need to worry. It's been less than a month, and my gallery wall of playbills has used 6 out of 10 of the frames I purchased so far. Like, that's a record of some sort. I'm blessed with this gift of theatre and a part time job.

My health is good. I'm good. I'm okay. Deep breath. Let the few tears fall. Wipe them off. Inhale. Exhale. Nod of... I don't know what to call it. One more breath. 

Publish blog.

Mockingbird

The Schubert Theatre opened in 1913. It has the namesake of the organization that owns the most Broadway theaters.

Inside the theatre, it feels… how do I describe this? Old school? Vintage? I feel so much history there.

To enter The Shubert for an AF shift, we go through the stage door, down a few corridors and stairs and suddenly we were in the women’s restroom.

You think you’re in the wrong place, but you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. You exit and then you’re in the lower lobby. There’s a sketch of the building that reminds me of London. Though I should note: I’m also reading a Julia Quinn novel that takes place in the Victorian era of London seasons of marriage marts 

Today I saw To Kill a Mockingbird. It’s everyone’s assigned reading in 9th grade. I remember one girl in my class read the entire book in a day when we we only needed to read the first chapter. Here’s what I remember about the story:

• Atticus Finch was one of the most popular characters in English literature
• Atticus he was the only one who would defend Ton Robinson, a black man who was innocent of the crime for which he was charged
• There was a character called Scout
• Boo Radley
• There are no mockingbirds in the book

That’s all I could remember. So I don’t know how much of the many words spoken on stage were from Aaron Sorkin, the playwright, or from Harper Lee, the author.

Atticus Finch is a real one, as Dale replied to my Instagram Story. He taught his children to be respectful and take the higher ground. He was the change he wanted in the world.

Tom Robinson's trial is heartbreaking. What's worse is that not much has changed. Black people still get persecuted for things they didn't do. They get harmed for.. living normal lives and doing everyday things. It's awful. And they don't get justice. 

I believe this book should remain required reading. I think they should try harder to sink in the message. Although, I don't think 9th grade is the best time to retain it. Or perhaps, reinforce it again freshman year of college. And senior year. And everyday people. System is imperfect. Most times, it sucks as it only serves the higher class.

I didn't understand it before. I have a better understanding now. 

In other news, it rained all night last night, which made today a no-bones day for me. Luckily it didn't rain during the work shift. When I left the theatre, it was raining. I was prepared with my umbrella. 

When I got home, the rain was loud. I went outside and rolled up my mat and put the table aside. My beautiful balcony furniture completely useless and in fact a burden. It made the raindrops louder. I had to move it, otherwise the sound was going to drive me, and probably the neighbors, crazy all night.

Limo

 Last night, I met up with old friends who moved to the city in February. They were meeting up with their friends visiting the city. We went to the rooftop bar at 230 Fifth.

That bar has a good vibe and a killer view of the Empire State Building.

We ordered a round of drinks. I ordered truffle fries, which gave no luck to the Dodgers. We also ordered shots. Here's the thing about shots. When taking shots, you must take an alcohol you like. Most of the table ordered tequila shots. Now, one might say, I'll get tequila if that's what everyone is getting. I don't like tequila. I got Jameson because I know how Jameson makes me feel the next day. And maybe I could have done tequila for one shot. But with shots among friends, it's never ONE shot. More rounds will be ordered, and you will be stuck with whatever you got the first round.

That rang true this past weekend in Brooklyn. Everyone got Jameson, and the Jameson shots kept on coming.

I texted my roommates as we left the bar because I lost my keys and the copy I made was not cut properly. I needed someone to let me in the building. One was up and was down to let me in. 

Once outside, there were a few limos hoping to find patrons. It seemed so extra, but they talked down the price and we got a limo. I told my roommate I wasn't coming home and my friends said I could crash with them. The limo drove us around for about half an hour. Lights were flashing inside, music was bumping, and three bottles of champagne were opened and drunk. 

They dropped us off at the airbnb in Hell's Kitchen. We went inside, used the bathroom, hydrated and snacked. But tequila shots hit hard. My friends and I weren't making it to their apartment. The visiting friends set up a room for us to crash. I was nice and comfy on the floor.

I was also all to happy to go to bed once we decided to stay there the night. In the morning, my anxiety about the event gig kicked in. I felt like I needed to be home to get work done. Plus, I could hear a neighboring baby's morning cry.

So I did a walk of (no) shame style exit out of the room and the apartment (always saying goodbye). I hopped on the train and went home.

I was tired but functional throughout the day. Can't say the same for the tequila shotters.

Mac N Cheese

I picked up a shift today for the last preview of Freestyle Love Supreme. First day at a new job. We entered the theatre through the stage door.

WHAT.

I'm the person who waits outside the stage door for autographs. I don't go inside. I'm not allowed. I'm not worthy. I went inside, and there was the stage. The lights were blue. THAT WAS THE STAGE. 

This is my life at the moment. Wow.

Most of the others on the team were performers. I introduced myself as a writer. It feels strange, like I'm playing pretend, but I'm not pretending. I do write. I have a short film in post production.

WHAT.

This is real. This is my life now. I took the train to get here from my apartment. I hung out in Times Square before the show. I helped load in people into a theatre. Then I got to stay for the show.

THIS IS WHY I MOVED HERE.

Then the show itself was impressive. The segments aren't short like Whose Line Is it Anyway. They get a lot of detail from the audience, make the interactions entertaining, and then they rap it out.

During a segment called Truth (I don't know if that's true, it just makes sense to me), the word from the audience was mac and cheese. Each rapper then told a true story centered around the word:

1) Dude's kids were in the audience. They just moved to NY from SF. He talks about how much he loves them how they went to Serendipity 3 and ate mac n cheese before the show. Aww father feels.

2) Homegirl raps about her dad's mac and cheese recipe. Aww daddy daughter love.

3) Homie can't eat mac and cheese and other things because his health changed after having covid twice and long covid. He was SO VULNERABLE on stage. His heart was hanging out for all of us to see. He let us see that. And he RHYMED while telling the story, even in parts where you can tell it was a struggle to share.

I was in awe. I was in awe of how much I appreciated hearing his tale. I was so happy he was sharing his story and feelings because I wouldn't have known otherwise. Thank you for telling that story. It was truly touching.

That's why art is so important. Stories need to get told and then you never know who you might touch along the way.

I asked my coworker if it was this emotional at other shows. She said no this was new. I wasn't ready for it! But it was amazing.

McFlurry

 Today was the first night I went out-out.

I had a lot of anxiety today. I've had a lot because I just moved to a new city by myself. Going out isn't the problem. Neither is meeting new people. It's the fact that I feel alone. It's the fact that I am alone. 

Chicago, I had my girls.  Toronto, I had my coworkers. Any other visits, I'm with family.

Took the train to Brooklyn. Was hella nervous, but lots of people ride the trains at night so okay, no need to worry there. L train to Brooklyn, lots of people on that too. The 10 minute walk from the train station was well populated and well lit. Cool, made it.

I met lots of people. To be honest, I drank too much. Lots of whiskey shots, so it's settled better than the pitcher of margaritas from the first dinner with my roommates. Tequila doesn't sit well with me, so I threw up after two glasses (that were nursed slowly). 

Tonight, I threw up after my fourth shot. Not something I'm proud of, but I'm grateful I'll feel okay in the morning.

Thankfully K&J live in the burbs, so they brought their car and were down to drive me home. Don't think I"m ready for late night subway by myself. I would have ubered not for them. We got McDonald's in Queens. I got a McFlurry just because their ice cream machine was working at 1am. What a freaking miracle.

It's sitting softly in my freezer now. I stumbled in quietly. But maybe next time, my roomies will come with.

Also, NY bars stay open until 4. We left just after midnight, which I'm not mad at. I'm tired. I'm from California where everything is closed by 2am, and you only stay up later if you go grab food.